90210 recap: You look like you drive a minivan
This episode of 90210 seemed to be a point for some things to end and others to begin. Dixon and Ivy are over and Annie's given up on donating her eggs, while Debbie is starting a new job and Jen and Matthews are starting their lives as parents. Everyone is being set up for some big changes ahead. Except for Navid, who has been given hardly any face time lately. Please correct this, writers.
Annie, Debbie and Jen
Debbie is desperately trying to find a way to support her family, while Annie is continuing on with her egg-donating plans. After an interview with Jen, Debbie is given some inventory homework as a trial task for the position, and finds herself struggling with the zip-whatever and the slotty-thing on Annie's computer. HA, because our moms totally talk like that.
Meanwhile, Annie's brought home her goody-bag full of hormones from Katherine, which she'll have to administer via syringe. Word of advice, sweetpea: When you're hiding something from your mother that involves needles, you might want to keep said needles in a secure place. Naturally, Debbie finds the bag under Annie's desk and accuses her of doing drugs, to which Annie responds with her typical litany of incoherent babbling fit to rival Colin Firth. Debbie isn't much happier upon hearing the egg-donation scheme and tells Annie it's not happening.
Later, Debbie brings her work back to Jen only to have it chucked in the trash; apparently it was just a test of character/desperation. Already fed up with Jen's ridiculous attitude, Debbie is about to storm off -- until Jen's water breaks. The two hurry off to the hospital and baby Jacques/Jack is born.
Annie comes to visit her mom and the new baby and realizes that her eggs are more than just a cash cow; they're potentially a real person. She finally sees things Debbie's way and agrees that she's too young to donate her eggs. Besides, Debbie has a full-time job now and has extorted health benefits, twice the offered salary and overtime from a very frazzled Jen. By the way, Jen, no one knows what to do with their first baby. It's terrifying for everyone.
Read on for sexual tension and rash breakups after the jump!
Teddy and Ian
After their fight last week, these two are stuck in detention with Matthews. They get to cut their time early, however, by covering some janitorial work on the leaf-clogged gutters. They're told to use some crazy leaf-grabber contraptions and stay off the roof, which is basically an invitation on this show (BTW, aren't those doors locked? How can students get out there?)
After a life-saving maneuver from Teddy and some reassuring words from Ian, Teddy seems to warm up a little. At the end of detention duty, however, Teddy is just as closed off as before and tries to prove his heterosexuality with some floozy who's been hitting on him. Unfortunately it's no dice in the bedroom and he savagely tells her she's just not hot enough. She may be a bit loose, but she didn't deserve that.
Despite his protestations that he wants nothing to do with Teddy, we think Ian will definitely play a bigger role in getting him out of his hetero-shell. Teddy's on the brink of cracking and, despite his treatment of Ian, we hope he'll be able to help Teddy with the transition. It obviously won't be easy, but we miss happy-go-lucky Teddy, whatever his sexual orientation.
Dixon, Ivy and Oscar
Dixon is continually blowing off Ivy while waiting for his HIV test results from the doctor. After getting a call that he needs to go in to get the results, Dixon convinces himself that he has the virus and breaks up with Ivy, telling her instead that he still have feelings for Sasha. Silly us, we thought for a moment that someone would be honest on this show. When will we learn?
Turns out, Dixon stomped all over Ivy's heart for nothing: He's negative and the doctor only wanted to talk about safe sex in person. Okay dudes, this was definitely in "Sex and the City," the only difference is Dixon doesn't pull a Samantha and pass out on the hospital floor. Thank you "SATC" for helping us spot plot developments from a mile away.
Even though he's been given a clean bill of health, Dixon has still royally screwed things up with Ivy, who has finally been driven into the waiting arms of Oscar. The scene suggests that Ivy has played her V-card, and with a complete charlatan. Hey, at least the guy has the two A's: abs and an accent.
The Hardy Girls
Ade, Silver and Naomi decide that they can take on Naomi's rapist alone, and hatch a sting operation to put Cannon into a compromising position. Using some suggestive IMing, Silver invites Cannon to help her with her senior project -- at a hotel. The girls have set up a hidden camera to capture any wrongdoing, but Cannon is way ahead of them. He shows up with the principal and school councilor, who assume Silver is having a bipolar episode. Silver won't be punished, but she will have to seek counseling.
Then, in what we predict will turn out to be a very stupid move, Silver lets Cannon know that she's onto him. She also has a very nefarious plan for his downfall. What is this plan? She has no idea. She's bluffing and is resulting to baseless threats. Yep, this will definitely turn out well.
What did you guys think? Did Ivy jump in the sack with Oscar too soon? Will Debbie be able to teach Jen some manners? Would those leaf-snatchers have been effective at all? Comments, ho!
Notes n' Quotes
Annie: You're sure they don't offer these hormones in a Flintstones chewable?
Jen: Yuck, who wants a chubby baby?
Matthews: Well, most people.
Jen: Not if they're honest. This is L.A.!
Slutty chick: Let me know if you change your mind. I used to be a gymnast!
Jen: I'm confused. You didn't go to college?
Debbie: No, I got married and had kids.
Jen: Oh. That's sad.
Jen: You have a certain desperation I'm responding to. And I like your highlights.
Debbie: You're not making any sense, are you high right now??
Ian: Not that you look like the kind of lady who would eat out of gutters...You look like the opposite of a gutter-eater, and I'm going to stop talking now...
Principal: Wise choice.
Naomi: I'd like to meet you at a hotel room so we can get naked and nasty all night long.
Silver: I shouldn't have added the dots.
Naomi: You shouldn't have added the dots!
Jen: We'll take my car. You look like you drive a minivan.
Doctor: Keep pushing!
Jen: You keep pushing, you idiot!
Jen: You're fired!
Nurse: I don't work for you!
Matthews: I can already hear the kids at recess calling him Jaques-strap!
Final Thoughts
- We totally forgot, Liam is living in his car. Charlie tries to make up by getting him a hotel room, which Liam trashes. Charlie is evidently "done" with Liam after this and goes straight back to Annie. Feh, we're kind of sick of this guy already.
- FYI, Annie, every actor in world has been on "Law & Order," not "CSI."
- We're kind of glad the bipolar issue resurfaced, despite the circumstances. You can't have something that big happen in the first season and then pretend it never happened.