The heartbreak
So, so much heartbreak this episode. There was the group gathering at Bobby's and taking the last picture, with everyone going from glib and spite-the-Devil carefree to somber when they realized that yes, this really could be it. There was Jo getting mauled by Hellhounds, and telling her mom that it was too late, and she might as well be able to go out in a blaze of glory.

But the part that got us the most was Ellen.... oh, Ellen! She let Jo sacrifice herself, but she wouldn't let her do it alone. She stayed in that building and lured the hellhounds in, then sat next to her dead daughter as the beasts closed in. Only when they were literally breathing down her neck did she set off the bomb that ripped them -- and her -- to shreds. Sob! We'll miss you most of all, Ellen!

There's more -- read on!

Our fave vamps were actually planning to leave Mystic Falls, so high five! to Logan for coming back to Mystic Falls as a newbie vamp and mucking it all up so the brothers are forced to stay.

We were super pleased that external forces imposed on Stefan's intention to take direction from Edward's playbook. That leaving for your own good thing because I know what's best for you is super mega lame, and we're delighted that Elena stood up for herself. Bravo! You're definitely no Bella (of course, we love Bella, too, but one Bella is enough, thanksverymuch).

What were the peeps of Mystic Falls up to this ep? Find out our fave Damon-ism of the week after the jump!

Easy, breezy, beautiful—Covergirl
Laura and Nicole get the scripts for their Covergirl commercial shoot. Cycle 12 winner, Teyona, even shows up for a little pre-shoot pep talk, but after her disastrous shoot last cycle they’d be better off asking her what NOT to do.

The girls both end up taking several takes and both struggle a bit—Laura with her dyslexia and Nicole with her lack of personality.

A couple of Tyra one-on-ones
Things are so tight in this competition that Tyra pays a visit to talk to the two finalists one-on-one. Not sure what she learned but it was really sweet. They’ve both come a long way.

Run, don’t walk from the catwalk
It’s down to the wire and for their fashion show, Laura and Nicole are stomping it out for the big prize. And for the first time in ANTM history, the PTB bring back some eliminated models so the finalists are joined by some familiar and somewhat friendly faces, including Erin, Brittany, Sundai, Jennifer. The night of the fashion show the house is packed and it’s filled with luminaries such as Eddie Murphy. But Jay reminds the girls not to be nervous. Each walk represents an element with wind proving to be pretty difficult as the girls walk out with what Laura describes as a quilt over their faces. And then for the finale they all get drenched in water. But they're pros at this point and it all ends up looking great.

The final pesky panel
It’s so close that we really have no idea who is going to win. Both girls are beautiful, inside and out. They both photograph well and they both “want it” badly. We’re thinking that the judges must have deliberated longer than usual because the decision must have been tough. We think that they would have chosen both if they could, but in the end it's Nicole who is selected as America's Next Top Model. And she's whisked off immediately for her photo shoot with Tyra.

Opening up the behind-the-scenes vault
After the finale we’re treated to a behind-the-scenes look at Cycle 13. We forgot about Courtney, the girl with her foot in the cast and cranky Bianca. We’re reminded of the makeovers and the heinous bleaching of the eyebrows. We’re sad that we never saw some of the footage, including the games the girls played to occupy their time and Roger the cat. We think they should extend the Cycles by a couple eppys so we can fit in more fun stuff!

Great ANTM quotes
“Oh, man. I’d rather have actual boogers in my nose than sound snotty.” Nicole

“If we have to, cut her out of that dress!” Jay, during the show

“You have proved that it’s irrelevant how tall you are. You guys have what it takes.” Nigel

“Thjs is the first day of the rest of your life.” Tyra to Nicole when she wins ANTM

“I’m a dork and I’m America’s Next Top Model.” Nicole, after she wins ANTM

Cycle 13 rocked
The "petite" models who were featured in Cycle 13 really did themselves proud and we're hoping we'll see (most of) them gracing covers of magazines and hitting the runways as they stretch their talents and push the envelope for aspiring short models everywhere.

Some of the girls, especially those in the final six, showed real promise. Which models do you see going on and being successful in the business? Tell us here in the comments.

While we happen to be on the topic of parent-child relationships, let's switch gears to little Annie and her folks -– your attempt at having a nice dinner bonding sesh between the new boyfriend and the parents didn't quite turn out the way you expected, Annie... Can you say AWKWARD? We can always count on Dixon to intervene at the perfect moment and break the news about Jasper's not-so-big-of-a-deal side job before the night begins, HA! That was one of our favorite moments... Or maybe it was when they opened the front door and Jasper had a dumb smile on his face, oblivious to it all

Speaking of oblivion, Naomi definitely had no idea that Adrianna was lying to her face. Seriously, Ade? Are you really going to destroy more of your great relationships over this ridiculous addiction that everyone and their mother is trying to help you with? Naomi was crushed though when she called you out on it, and then again when she got dumped by Jamie, and then again when Richard made her feel like a terrible manipulative person. At least she apologized to Richard though. But she'll recover, especially now that she's let her guard down around Liam –- bad news for Ivy, though. We're certainly waiting to see how this all unfolds...

There's more after the break -- read on!

Best moments, good stuff and a little bit of romance

Riley fakes it, but not well
We just love Amanda. When Riley's past isn't colorful enough to be interesting, Amanda cooks her up a juicy one. And when Riley objects, she is reminded that if she doesn't fulfill all of her promotional obligations for the Anton V modeling gig, she doesn't get her 10 Gs. She hasn’t gotten paid yet? She's in magazines and splashed across buses. Seriously, what kind of contract did that girl sign? Amanda has Ella jumping through hoops in order to remain employed. If she doesn't keep Riley in line, she's out.

At the breakout party, Melissa, a talent agent with a fancy accent, shows up and tries to woo Ella with a corner office, double the commission and a little tongue hockey. But Ella denies her, telling her that her heart belongs to WPK. Of course, Amanda put Melissa up to the whole thing. But Ella passed with flying colors. And she looks like a really good kisser too!

Ella is looking good until Riley decides that she can't take her fake bio anymore and blurts out (to the press!) that the goons at WPK created her colorful past for her. Not only is she out 10 grand but she could cost Ella her job. Thanks, friend!

There's more after the jump -- read on!

G-rated rock star: Is Rufus really unaware of the condition known as Gonorrhea of the throat? We're not suggesting that Rufus took part in any illicit sexual activity with the scores of groupies that must have hung out back stage when he was on tour, but surely he must have known a bass player or drummer dispensing the venereal disease like candy.

Worst outfit to wear to the office: As if the hulking shoulder pads weren't enough, Serena donned a mini-dress with a gaping hole cut out in the back to Tripp's office. C'mon, the man is at work.

Showing her age: Serena cites Jude Law's turn in the "Alfie" remake as the crush of her life. Oh honey, when you grow up and realize Mr. Law falls on the lower end of the hot scale, please Netflix "Legends of the Fall" to view a man worthy of an intense cinematic fantasy.

Threesome, the sequel: Dan, Olivia and Blair joining forces for NYU's cabaret show. This threesome may not involve shedding clothes, but fireworks erupt either way.

Nathan losing his job
Who It's About
Nathan and Haley. How much would it suck to go from a potential multi-million dollar contract to unemployed -- and to learn about it from a TV sportscast? And now whatever job he gets -- if he gets one at all -- will be much farther from home.

Clay. His only client just lost his job -- which means Clay screwed up big-time and pissed off said only client. Oops. His motives were pure, but the outcome was not so good.

Who It's Not About
Quinn. She insists that Nate fired Clay because of her, but... come on, girl. Did you get the bit above about him losing his job and any other job being not so great? Get over yourself!

Clay getting fired
Who it's About
Clay -- since he's, you know, fired. That's gotta suck.

Who it's not about
Quinn. No, taking him to the community center to meet the preternaturally wise kids didn't get him fired. Nor did their relationship. Clay got fired because he didn't delvier. It's not about you!

Dan. Although we loved his crazed drowning/baptism/fashion critique, Nate getting canned -- and Clay's part in it -- had nothing to do with Dan -- especially since Nathan has been quite clear that he wants nothing to do with his father.

There's more after the jump -- read on!

We had a great One Tree Hill podcast last week -- but our computer ate it. Doh! We hope we make it up to you this week as we discuss Dan's return, Rachel's bitchtasticness, when Jamie goes for precocious to annoying, and what depraved thing we expect to see Millie doing next. Plus, hear the theories on why Brooke ditched her birth control, find out what we think of Alex's neediness, and discover what we'd pay money to see on an upcoming episode.

Listen to our One Tree Hill podcast for "Now You Lift Your Eyes to the Sun" and tell us what you think in the comments!

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Due to circumstances beyond our control, we were unable to podcast last week's Gossip Girl -- but at least we're back for the OMG-bait Threesome episode! Now, if only the threesome itself had been less... boring. We were much less interested in the sexual shenanigans than we were in the continuing struggle between Serena and Blair, Chuck's devious plans to get the two best friends back together, Eric's attempts to teach Jenny a lesson, and Jenny's rise to the Queen of the Upper East Side. Also, Chuck? You never lend out your girlfriend's lacy underthings. That's just nasty!

Listen to our Gossip Girl podcast for "They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They?" and tell us what you think in the comments!

Check us out in iTunes and subscribe if you like what you hear:

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What we loved
Fun with Cons
The unbridled glee. The bizarre questions. The joy of being surrounded by people who get it. This episode got that part down cold. We loved Chuck dealing with a room full of rabid fans -- and being utterly unprepared for their devotion. Plus, it gave the guys ideas -- "Maybe weshould put those things on a bungee," Dean muses after yet another weapon gets knocked from their hands. Thanks, German fan!

The harsh reality
The boys are appalled that people are reveling in their pain -- and Dean finally snaps: "I think that the Dean and Sam story sucks. It is not fun, it is not entertaining, it is a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nuthouse. So you listen to me -- their pain is not for your amusement. Do you think that they enjoy being treated like circus freaks?" We have to admit -- we almost felt a little guilty there.

Likewise, we loved how the civilians reacted when they were confronted with the guys' real work. An actual skeleton in a real grave? Gah! Gravedigging? It's not so easy! Hell, they can't even make a lighter work the way the boys do!

There's more -- read on!

OK, having gotten the love-struck gushing out of the way, we really have to ask what's up with vamp dudes breaking up with their cherished girlfriends in the forest for their own good, faking being strong themselves until they are out of sight and then going through angsty self-recrimination? Is this something they learn at paranormal school? Perhaps it is one of the attributes of being a 17-year old perpetual high school student. It seems to be a trend.

How delicious to have an episode with so much Bonnie and Caroline! Yes, it's fair to say that this ep even revolved around our favorite witch.

Some heinous hip hop hula
For the challenge this week the girls have to learn a hip hop hula routine. The scariest part -- they have four eight counts to tell their personal story with hula moves. Each girl must perform with the hula dancers and then bust out her solo in the middle of it. Erin used to be a cheerleader so she's pretty confident but there are others who are...well, awkward.

The prize this time around is that the girl who wins gets to return to the island with a friend for a five night all-expense-paid trip at the Four Seasons. Heck, we'll get up and hip hop the heck out of the hula for that prize! Miss J shows up to judge the competition and Nicole is so hard to watch that he feels compelled to get up after her performance and imitate it. While Jennifer and Erin were pretty good, Laura brought the booty. She could crunk with the best of 'em. And she chooses Jen to join her on her return trip to Maui.

Speaking of mother-child relationships, Silver and Jackie's relationship was blossoming beautifully. The different birthday settings were especially sweet. We loved Teddy for really coming through as Silver's friend – first it was walking her to class, then it was taking care of her mom while Silver ran some errands, and the grand finale was bringing Silver back through memory lane. We're glad that Jackie finally got the chance to be the mother that Silver has been yearning for all these years – especially right before she passed away. Teddy, you're starting to make up for being a major jerk not too long ago... We may just let that one slide.

The Teddy-Silver duo wasn't such a sweet combination for Ade. We saw those glaring eyes, girl, you hate every bit of their friendship. She did score points with us for at least acting like the bigger person with Silver about the whole thing – even if she is just holding it all in until she pops. She isn't too good at choosing friends or even being a good one herself, either. I mean buying drugs off Jasper with Naomi's money meant for Silver's gift?! Come on now, it's about time you got over Navid and moved on. There are many more fish in the sea – if socially isolated Annie and anti-social Jasper found each other, you can do it too, Ade.

There's more after the break -- read on!

Best moments, good times and favorite bits

You do know who Franz Keppler is, don’t you?
Ella is assigned to babysit German Indy film maker Franz Keppler, but she knows nothing about his flicks or lederhosen. Film geek Jonah Miller to the rescue! He poses as Ella's colleague, but when Franz gets all frisky-like with the lovely Ella at their meeting, Jonah comes to the rescue and tells him that they're a couple. And they play it off with snuggles, kisses, PDA and all. But Ella gets a little too into the role playing and invites Jonah to continue the afternoon at a nearby hotel. He reminds her -- in no uncertain terms -- that he's engaged...and in love with Riley.

Don't mess with Michael Mancini
Michael hasn't been on his A-game these days. He allowed himself to get blackmailed -- not just once but over and over again -- by Violet, who never really struck us as the most intelligent person in the building. And now she needs another favor. She needs a lawyer because she's been charged with resisting arrest. But unfortunately for Violet, Michael knows people...including the judge, who has agreed to allow the good doctor to be Violet's character witness. So in order for him to not talk her up as the local psychopath, Violet erases the blackmail video. Buh-bye cash flow.

Find out what we weren't so thrilled about after the break!

Best Beatles reference: Chuck giving Nate a "Lost Weekend" complete with girls sporting tramp stamps and hoping to sort out their daddy issues. Don't know if John Lennon would be proud, but he'd certainly relate.

Biggest character personality switcheroo: Jenny going from a Humphrey into an ice princess in a matter of seconds. Even Anakin made the transformation into Darth Vader over the course of three films.

Worst accessory: Jenny's leather finger gloves. We had to rewind just to make sure she was actually wearing them to the biggest party of her life.

Worst outfit: Jenny attended her cotillion looking like a hot mess. Rock star black does not work with Jenny's pale complexion and the neckline on that dress only accentuated the fact that Jenny lacks boobs.