300 channels of WInchestery goodness
Oh, the TV takeoffs! How we loved them! There were so many moments of bliss to choose from, but here are some of of favorites:

• The sitcom opening, complete with cheesy theme song, wacky hijinks form the boys (That bicycle built for two! The scooters!), and the reaction of the "live studio audience." Plus, we got to see Dean play his heartfelt "Son of a bitch!" as a sitcom catchphrase.
• The Grey's Anatomy knock-off, "Dr. Sexy M.D.", which even has a ghost. We loved Dean revealing his in-depth knowledge of the show, squeeing over Dr. Sexy, then justifying it as a guilty pleasure. But possibly our favorite bit was Sam preparing to operate on Dean and demanding "a penife, some dental floss, a sewing needle and a fifth of whiskey. Stat!"
• The whacked-out Japanese games how had comely advertising wenches wearing little devil horns and white go-go boots.
• The commercial, watching Sam's discomfort as he shilled a remedy for genital herpes.
• Dean's rant about the cop show: "Calm down? I'm wearing sunglasses at night! You know you does that? No-talent douchebags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop shop and you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There's like 300 of them on television and they're all the freaking same!"
• MetalliKITT! With Sam as the car! And him getting deeply uncomfortable when Dean dug around in his trunk! HAH!

There's more -- read on!

We loved Lexi, Stefan's oldest friend who popped in unexpectedly. Was she too good to be true? Perhaps. I mean, really? A BFF who:

- Is completely completely cool, down to Earth, fun, thoughtful, lovely
- Has super powers like getting unlimited free drinks from bartenders
- Surprises us by coming all of the way to our town in the middle of nowhere for our birthday
- Feels no shame - in fact, feels fantastic about going to see Bon Jovi next weekend

Maybe she read our post from last week? So we were disappointed with her fate.

Laura turns 20 and gets some Spam
It's Laura’s birthday and she gets a birthday breakfast on the lanai. Good thing she's in a pretty place because her meal consists of scrambled eggs and Spam -- which is a very big deal on the Islands...and with rednecks. So it's like fusion...but different.

Cliff diving is fun...not!
The models get dropped off at a remote beach where supermodel Marisa Miller (who is only 5'8") shows up to give the rest of the shorties a lesson in how to be hot but not over the top. They strip down to their bikinis and go for it. Apparently, the key is push out the booty and don’t rub the boobs. We totally get that.

New modeling phrase, courtesy of Marisa Miller: Barbie toe.
Definition: A subtle twist of the pointed toe that visually extends the length of the leg -- like the way Barbie’s toes are all of the time, but they're plastic.

The girls get to put their Barbie toes to work at the photo shoot challenge. They get to jump from what appears to be about a 30-foot cliff into the raging sea below looking sexy and not at all scared. The idea is to try not to die and take a good photo at the same time. And they get one shot. The winner gets a $5,000 pearl necklace and twice as many frames at the next photo shoot. She then gets to pick a friend who also gets twice as many frames until they are down to one who gets only the regular amount of frames. Nicole wins the challenge and picks Sundai who picks Laura who picks Jennifer and because she is 18 and a kind of annoying, Erin is left without as many frames as the rest.

Alright, so our friend Sasha, Ms. I'm-WAY-Too-Mature-To-Date-Dixon, stoops to an ultimate low level -- lying about being pregnant? Girl, you're not lying to an adult here, Dixon is a little baby himself -- with a mother who is obviously a lot more experienced and smart than you are. But really? You're going to make this poor kid wet his pants by making him a father? You definitely fooled us, Sasha, but Debbie called you out REAL good. That's a real mother's intuition right there

Just when you thought that Sasha had won this week's BIOTCH Award, we regret to inform you that Jen came in to make it a tie. The woman doesn't even like Ryan -- she's already said she's just using him sooth the fears of her real rich guy she's GOld Digging! Now who do you think you are little Ms. Goldie Locks, walking into poor Ramona's job and calling her old? And yes, her name is Ramona but of course you knew that... And to top that all off, she lies to Ryan about Liam wanting to sleep with her? Oh please, don't flatter yourself, Jen. Ryan may be blind to your vindictive character, but Liam experienced it first-hand and is going to get you good, you just wait. That's what we're hoping, at least...

There's more after the jump -- keep reading!

One good kiss deserves another
We'll file this one in the "what were you thinking?" file. After Jonah learns about the kiss between Riley and Auggie, he meets Kendra, the development executive, for cocktails. They kiss too, but Jonah tells her that he's engaged. The next day Riley offers to help Jonah work a wedding. And he keeps his secret buried until he decides to blow it out between the wedding and the reception. Nice. I'm sure the bride and groom appreciated that. Riley thinks that she solves the problem by breaking off her friendship with Auggie. When she asks Jonah to not see Kendra he refuses -- this is the only person in Hollywood who "gets his vision."

Sydney picked up David at his mom's grave
We've got to hand it to Syd, she sure knows how and where to pick 'em. She found David mourning his mom in the graveyard and picked him up then and there. We already know that their relationship was a messy one. But it turns out that David blacked out the night of Syd's death and thinks he could have been the one who killed her. In flashbacks we see that David woke up that night in Syd's bed with a bloody knife in his hand. He quickly buried it at a construction site but for some reason decides to go dig it up... and it's gone. A worker found it and turned it in to the police.

If I Only Had A Brain... on Drugs
OK, we'll admit it -- we love whacked-out Haley. After consuming a few too many "special" brownies, Hales is all about the random observations, but still utterly herself. Our favorite High Haley quotes:

"Now when they say they represent the lollipop guild, do you think that's a trade union? And if it is, why did they unionize? Did they need shorter hours or longer sticks or different flavors?"

"Is your career path pretty much just laid out for you when your parents name you Zelda? Zzzzzzzzzzelda. It's kind of like if they call you Bambi or Oprah."

If I Only Had a Heart....oh, wait
Because, yes, Dan does have a heart -- one that was apparently harvested from a South American kid after Rachel paid his family to take him off life support, and then implanted in his chest at a cut-rate transplant clinic. (Dan really can survive anything...) Now Dan is having visions of his heart donor, and he wants to tell his audience that he's not really living on borrowed time. Rachel, in the role of the Wicked Witch, tells him that would kill the show. The audience will forgive a murderer, but they won't take kindly to being conned.

If I Only Had the Nerve...or not
Jamie's none too excited about a zipline on the hiking trail, but he doesn't want to tell his dad, because Nathan's not afraid of anything. But Julian engineers a situation that lets Jamie prove his mettle -- convincing Nathan that he needs to let Jamie be the brave one for once. Nicely done!

The truth comes out on One Tree Hill -- to no one's surprise, Renee is exposed as a lying skank. Dan milks the moment by strapping her into a lie-detector, which says all of her answers are true. Then he reveals that the lie detector is faked. And at the end, he reveals a big old scar on his chest, suggesting he may not be on borrowed time like we think. Intriguing.... Meanwhile, Naley angsts, Brooke pouts, and Clay and Quinn get a little flashback love, showing us how they got to where they are now.

Listen to our One Tree Hill podcast for "I and Love and You" and tell us what you think in the comments!

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Just how many chances is Blair going to get on Gossip Girl? Once again, she sticks her nose where it doesn't belong, and she does it in such a way that Chuck revoked his forgiveness and disinvites her from his fabulous '20s-themed club opening. Our two favorite schemers work it out in the end, but Blair, we're putting you on notice. Jenny reveals she's become a heinous bee-yotch when she lets her minions torment Eric and Jonathan, and Eric wisely tells her to take a hike. Serena complains about her work, and Dan gets self-righteous about Olivia's movie-making past. Plus, Rufus as a Ramone! Bliss!

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What we loved

Grumpy Old Men
Poor Dean... he did not deal well the the indignities of aging. He thought his acid reflux was a heart attack, suffered from sciatica while digging up graves, puffed and panted his way up the stairs, and -- worst of all -- realized that hot young women no longer find him dangerously alluring. Oh, the indignity! We loved the way he and Bobby grumbled and snarled at each other.

Patrick
Yowza! The looks, the accent... we approve. Sure, there's the little matter of him sucking the life out of people -- literally -- but sometimes, when he liked a person, he granted them years, too. He's a nice witch! Sometimes. Except when he's not. And giving Sam the clap? That was unnecessary. Sigh.

There's more -- read on!

We think that this show gets better every week, though to be fair, the Halloween episode of a vampire show should should be pretty awesome. This one was.  Whoever's writing Damon's dialog gets an A+, and can we please say that Ian Somerhalder's comic timing is fantastic?  It is hard to chose the best Damon moment of this episode, but the show started off around the 5 min mark with a bit that had us choking on our frosty beverage. Damon, Stefan, and Vicki are hanging out and looking mightily bored in the dusty library/office/room of indeterminate nature. Stefan offers Vicki a cup of mystery substance in a heavy pottery cup that looks like it would have been a hot collectible on eBay 10 years ago. 

Vicki:  What is it?
Stefan: It's what you're craving.
Damon: Don't lie to the girl. It's so NOT what you're craving, but it'll do in a pinch. 
Vicki: What is it?
Damon: Yeah, what is it?  Is it skunk? St. Bernard? [stage whisper] Bambi?
Stefan: Go on, give it a try. 
Damon:  She's new. She needs people blood. She can't sustain on that stuff. 
Vicki: Yeah, why can't I have people blood?
Damon: Yeah?
Stefan: Because it's wrong to prey on innocent people, Vicki! 
Damon: You don't have to kill the feeds, just find somebody tasty and then erase their memory afterwards. It's so easy.
Stefan: (more protestations, etc.)
Damon: Don't listen to him, he walks on a moral plane way out of our eyeline.  I say, snatch, eat, erase.

In moments like these, it's hard to argue that nice guys don't finish last.  Particularly if the girl in question is a newly turned vampire/former junkie.  Who really thinks that Vicki's gonna go for Stefan's humanitarian approach to the afterlife when Damon is so much more fun and people blood is apparently so much more tasty?

Keep reading -- there's more after the break!

The house is so disgusting, it stands out above all of the other nasty houses left behind by the America’s Top Slobs before them. In the kitchen there are dirty dishes, utensils and pans strewn about, as well as rotting groceries and old coffee cups full of a beverage that was offered hot back at some point in July. There are ants in the bathroom and the closets are so nasty that Tyra tells them that they can’t live there anymore -- they must move to...Hawaii!

(Note: This was never our punishment for not cleaning our rooms. We feel cheated.)

Yes, the models are headed to the tropical islands of Hawaii!

The hateful, very wet, photo shoot challenge
As soon as the girls reach the islands they are subject to a hateful challenge. Buzzy Kerbox, a pioneer surfer and male model, wants to show them how to surf. Little do the little gals know but their short stature should help them be able to balance on their boards. We're gonna say -- not so much.

But this is no time for fun, it's about balance and poise and the models have one chance to snap a tandem photo with another surfer on the board. Hey! You try to look cute, balance and not crash into the coral reef all at one time.

When it came down to analyzing shot for shot, Erin was the top dog. She got the top surf dog of the day which meant that she got a helicopter ride around the island. Please, someone, let Erin win some wardrobe! But we digress -- it was a nice win for Erin, who brought along her buddies Brittany (who is totally annoyed by her at this point) and Nicole (who still seems like she is enjoying the bounty of the island's most infamous crop). When Erin expresses her disappointment that the prize wasn't a "tangible item" the girls who were left behind were disgusted.

According to The Insider Violet and Auggie will exit the storyline come January as several new characters, including one Amanda (AKA Heather Locklear) will be introduced...or, re-introduced, as the case may be.

The MP Powers That Be are claiming that the "Who Killed Sydney?" storyline will wrap in December and then the show will take on a lighter, more fun vibe. Producers say that Simpson-Wentz always knew that being written off the show was a possibility. Still...we love the crazy. We'll miss that for sure.

And speaking of missing...can we please have a moment of silence? We're absolutely shocked that the MP scribes can even consider writing off the hottest guy on the show! But apparently, Auggie is simply too dark.

Why do you think about Ashlee and Colin leaving the show? Do you think it's a mistake? Will you miss them? Tell us here!

Biggest Props
To James Lafferty for directing this episode. Go, James!

Biggest Shock
Dan whipping out the lie detector test -- and Renee passing it! Of course, it was all a fake-out -- Dan strapped himself in to machines and told a bunch of LIES! (possibly even including "I love my wife.") All of this was in service of getting Renee to admit the truth -- that she'd never had sexual relations with that man, and that she made it all up. Finally, Naley's nightmare is over. (We still think this could have been avoided with an in-vitro paternity test.)

Biggest Non-Shock
We called it! Sara, Clay's comely companion, was a delusion. She's his dead wife, haunting his memories even as she urges him to move on. As far as we can tell, Clay wasn't at all responsible for her death -- if we had to guess, we'd say she suffered an aneurysm -- but he still is living in its shadow. He even sent Quinn away when she came over to "talk."

There's more -- read on!

Best pumpkins: Rufus knows how to do Halloween right. We loved his KISS-themed pumpkins.

Best costume: Rufus wins again as Johnny (or was it DeeDee?) Ramone.

Best job: Despite the grunt work, Serena's job seems like a dream. Grunt work for normal people equals taking the office's lunch order and then picking it up. Grunt work for Serena equals delivering James Franco his underwear. Yeah, we'll go with the tighty-whities.

Worst look: Jenny. Maybe it was just her stuck-up personality affecting our opinion, but we wanted to let her know that Halloween is only one day of the year. Wipe that blackish crap from your lips!